you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
