HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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