please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
whose parrot is this?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
