put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
