OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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