the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
