That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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