O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
