i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
