i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
