two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
