And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
