I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
honey bunches of taint.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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