then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
