His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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