no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Such a big mess for such a small penis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
