i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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