how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
