dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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