3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
3pm strippers are depressing
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
