Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
