Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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