It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
