his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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