We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
