I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
