THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
