I wish I could teleport
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
