I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
