the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
