I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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