she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
