Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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