He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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