Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
