We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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