It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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