Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
