I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
