Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
