Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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