so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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