I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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