He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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