i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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