People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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