he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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