I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Randomize
