As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
