Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
