His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
