Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
