those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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